......

It's the goddamn end of a goddamn chapter of my life... It hasn't ended yet... But it's close.. Every friggin' minute it's getting closer.. And there is no way to make it stop, I can't even slow it down... And I can't even seize the day... I can't help but wonder if I can change the ending... This doesn't seem possible either...

As the chapter is coming to its end, I feel like I am becoming something I am not... The end is inevitable, and it's making me uneasy... If I were dying, the ending wouldn't make me this uneasy... I even prefer to end up like Basil Hallward.... And it's as though my ending weren't bad enough, some people keep adding their crap into it... Just a little bit understanding.. That's what I'm asking for... Am I supposed to be happy?? Sorry, I am selfish.. I just can't be happy because it's ending happily for another person, no matter how much I care about that person... I am curious.. Would you be happy if you were in my shoes?? If only someone ripped my heart off my chest... Haha, but I guess no one would do me such a good deed... Dying once would be much better than dying every second, every friggin' second... Thinking it makes me so uneasy that I feel as if I was suffocating... I can't breathe... And what makes me even worse is knowing it's irreversible... You'd say it's just end of the chapter, it's not end of the story... Maybe I'll have other chances... But who wants other chances after this?? Yeah, you can hardly call this a chance... But I'll never feel like this ever again... Or maybe I am too blinded to see... But that turned out to be because of my weak personality... You selfish people... You wannabe friends... But at the moment I cannot even care about what they've said.... I don't care how disgraceful I am... I just don't want this to happen... It has always been obvious that it'd be like this... But I didn't expect it to be this hard... I've been robbed of all the times ----- I want those times back... I haven't even said what I want to say all along... And now I'll never say it....

And look at what I am doing... Making up lies to save what has left of my dignity.. Like it mattered so much at the moment... I guess I'll be all alone in the end... And I'll be miserable just like House... : D : D Boy, I feel awful for proving titler right... I am miserable alright, trying to write a different ending for my story (OK, I'm drawing actually)... It seems like I'll never get over this... But maybe at least I can make up an ending in which I can rest in peace.... So tell me, what should be the title of my comic book? My story, which is boring...

And once again I hear the fashion photographer yelling:
Give me time...
Flash...
Give me a coping mechanism (Anything would do)...
Flash...
Give me heart of steel....
Flash...
Give me a new life..
Flash...
Give me anything (anything but this)......
Flash...


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